STRESS!

Yes. I am experiencing a little bit of stress. But I'm going to get it all out, write it all out write here, write now, because this type of stress comes from self-doubt.
Yes, I feel stressed about state. Why? Well...a number of reasons. One, I really, really, really want to get a state record. Two, my coach wants me to get the swimmer of the meet award...very hard to get, and looking at the power-point system, it doesn't look feasible. Not compared to a super-fast-breaststroker who all-of-a-sudden qualified for Olympic trials... Third, I just want it to be all over.

Okay, to relieve number one: I already co-own the state record for the 200 and 400 free relays. I shouldn't be so selfish. I should just go out there, leave it all in the pool, and that's the best I can do, right? Of course right.

Number two: who cares? My coach. Not me.

Number three: Well, time flies by fast enough already, why should I wish for it to fly by even faster? Maybe I should just seize the day, and enjoy every moment.

And the questions of self-doubt: Did I give every practice every day my every all? Did I work hard enough? Did I do everything I can? Did I do my best? Could I have done more? Am I ready?

When I ponder these questions, I look at the past few years, and I'm forced to answer, yes.

Yes, even to I could have done more, but...if I did more, I don't know if I'd be alive, or happy.

No matter what the future holds...I will be content, because I know for myself, I did everything I could. And I'm happy with that fact. I'm happy with myself.

Jelly Beans

When I was a little lass (not wee), I had (and still have) a big sweet tooth. I loved sugar of any kind. And I knew mommy and daddy always seemed to have a secret stash of sugar somewhere. Mommy was in the shower, Daddy was watching tv, so I decided to sneak into their room in hopes to find something sweet.
I did.
There they were, next to the bed. A bag of dark green jelly beans. Dark green meant only one flavor: watermelon! My favorite flavor.
I stole to the other side of the room, next to the bag, and thrust a chubby hand into the bag and stuffed my mouth chock full of dark green jelly beans! After I chewed for a little while, pain erupted in my mouth. I started to cry and spit out the jelly beans...
...they were jalapeno.

24

What more can I say? I'm very excited for this season! Are you?

Book review: Lord of the Flies

...Such an interesting story. For those of you who haven't read it yet, I will do my best to give nothing away (I won't do a very good job).
I enjoyed it immensely, though Golding leaves you with no hope. It's done, you don't have a choice, it's this way.
It's a powerful allegory, almost as powerful as The Crucible. It makes you stop and think about society: Does society throw evil upon man, or does man have evil in his heart?
This novel votes for the latter. It's a story that takes place during an atomic war, and a plane full of British schoolboys crashes on a small island. Only the boys survive. As they cope and organize themselves on the island, they quickly degrade and become savages, despite the fact that they are probably the world's highly civilized boys. Golding's piece of work illuminates his theory that evil lurks in every person's heart, and even the most sophisticated people can be degraded into savages.

I have to say: The scene with Simon looking at the pig head on a stick was incredibly realistic. I could vividly imagine poor Simon talking to it, trying to figure it out. And I also would like to add...Ralph was a most interesting character, and his statement did some lovely foreshadowing that sent chills down my spine: "I'm afraid of...the beast, too...but I'm afraid of us." (Probably not word-for-word, because I can't find it right at the moment...)

Cursed with hamsters

The only pet I was successful with was hamsters.
My brother had rats and fish.
My sister had many parakeets.
The family had dogs and cats.
I wanted a pet, too. I've always wanted a chinchilla for some insane reason, but I couldn't afford one. But I could afford a five-buck dwarf hamster. And that is what I ended up with. The problem was, my sister got one too. And those hamsters eventually had babies. We thought they were cute!
Until the babies had babies...then the babies babies had babies...and they multiplied faster than gremlins.
I had hamsters for about 6 years. And it was to the point that I gave away the mutant babies to the pet store to feed to...creatures.
But soon, the population of the hamster city went down. And I was left with a really fat runt, and a horrible cute tiny runt. The tiny runt never grew, due to a problem with his teeth. They didn't meet, so they didn't grind down...they just kept growing and growing and growing...to the point that his bottom teeth were about to stab his eye! We came up with a solution: Trim his teeth with fingernail clippers.
Needless to say, he had a hard time eating, so he forever remained very skinny.
After these last hamsters passed away, I was done with pets for the time being.
Then a couple of years later, I wanted a bird.
A dove, to be exact. And I got one. A lovely brown one with a black ring around its neck. It was beautiful, but too shy at first to sing. Mom would hear it sing. Dad would hear its call. But I was never around at the right times! When I finally heard it (it wouldn't make a peep if it saw you), I memorized its sound. Then I practiced the sound to human perfection. I walked into my room, faced it, and made the dove-noise. It responded!
Now it would make noise all the time! Cute little cooing noises. He, however, had a wonderful personality. I would let him out often so he could stretch his wings and fly around in the room. When it was time to put him back in the cage, however, he would tease. If you climbed on some furniture, and finally get within inches, he'll swiftly fly away to another high spot across the room. When he landed, he would make an evil chuckling noise. "Ha ha! I got away from you! This is a fun game!"
But somehow mom managed to let him out of his cage, leave the room door open, and the back door of the house open all at once. He flew away. I know not of his fate, though I do miss him.
The worst of all: my rabbit. I got him last summer, and he was darling. Until the dogs ripped him out of his cage and ate him.
I can't say I love the dogs anymore.
So, yes. I am cursed. The only animal I have been slightly successful with were hamsters.
I don't dare get a chinchilla, the dream pet. The dogs will get it, or mom will set it free...

Oh NO!

It was on a sweltering hot day in the summer. I was very hot, and I decided to do my favorite pastime, since I didn't have anything else to do, since I was four years old. I towed the sprinkler under the trampoline, and put the right head on it. I carefully put on my polka-dot pink suit. I ran to go jump on the wet trampoline, with water spurting out of it, when I realized that I hadn't taken out my hearing aids. I felt so smart and responsible when I remembered that! I walked slowly to the tall red table and pulled out my hearing aids, and carefully set them dead center of the table.
Then I continued to play.
A while later, my speech therapist dropped by. My mom came out with her. I guess I have to do another session...they ask me where my hearing aids are. I lead them to the table, proudly telling them that I was smart and good, and remembered to take them out before I got wet. To my horror, they were gone! We looked at the dog, and all three of us realized the drastic circumstance we were in. We searched the entire yard, every square millimeter. We found one hearing aid, slightly nibbled. It still worked. (Whew!) But where was the other? In the dog.
I felt terrible! Here I was, proud that I was smart and responsible. What happened? I had one chewed-up functional hearing aid.
A couple of hours later, I sneak into my parents room. My mom doesn't notice me. She's staring at my chewed-up hearing aid, crying. My little four-year-old mind didn't comprehend that these eyesore things that I squeeze into my ears actually cost money. Lots of money. All I knew was that she was sad, very sad. I've never seen her cry actual tears before. And it was all my fault. I quietly walk up to her, put my head on her knee (like a dog, yes.) and sincerely tell her I'm sorry. She cries even more. My heart sunk. I did something so bad that she couldn't even punish me, she was so sad.

Accident-Prone!

Today must be my accident-prone day. On the way home from school, I saw an accident on the Highway. Then I proceeded to drive home, a cop was following me intently. Since I didn't know the current place my wallet was hiding, I was slightly anxious. I scanned to make sure I was going the speed limit, my seat belt was on...everything looked okay...what could he be surveying me for??? Then he turned on his flashing thingies. And zoomed off after a red car, whose driver allowed a baby to be in the front passenger seat.
Later, on the way back to the pool, I saw an accident on the Highway again. I noticed both accidents involved a car facing the wrong direction. How can that happen? They spin? They turn onto the wrong side of the highway? They're British? What?
And I noticed many, many, many speed traps today. Thank goodness I have some sense when it comes to the speed limit, although I must admit, that's one of the hardest peer pressures for me. Especially when everyone is going 60-65 MPH in a 55 MPH zone, and there's an ornery humongous gas-guzzling SUV or something tailgating you and flashing their brights and talking on their cell phone while eating a hamburger or smoking. You start to wonder if that ginormous car will just run over you. So you push the pedal down just to increase the gap between you, because you can't really change lanes because everyone's passing you on the right side...
I knew something was up, and something was going to happen to me. It did.
For some reason, after years of training, my training didn't help me today. I just wasn't gripping the slippery deck!
Accident #1: As I was rounding a corner in the locker room, I slipped, and I shot out my arms to get my balance, which I kept, but not without wacking my hand full force into a corner wall. It is swollen.
Accident #2: The swim team was playing water polo today. Oh joy. The ball rolled onto the deck, and I walked to it, lifted up my foot to kick it, and the next thing I know, I fall almost square on my tailbone. I hurried to stand up, got the ball, rolled it to the goalie...and I sat down. As I sat down, I was slightly worried. After my fall my vision got dimmer and darker and darker...by the time I sat down...I couldn't see anything but many blood-red spots. But after a couple of minutes, I was fine.

Now the bad, terrible news about all this. I'm experiencing much pain, but I don't have any bruises to show for it! That is the worst curse of all.

Me horrorscope rocks!

Star Wars Horoscope for Sagittarius

You are superbly wise and have been known to spread your wisdom widely. You are impatient and pushy when people take your teachings too lightly. And your philosophical side always peeks through. Star wars character you are most like: Yoda

What Is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Debris

Early morning, cold feet,
Cold cereal, so gross,
Enter car, freezing breath,
off to swim to my death.

Ah! Something twitters across my path
Looks like a dog or a cat.
I study its pace, and realize I'm going to hit!
When the impact comes, my heart leaps, breath catches,
I feel nothing.
I look back in my rearview mirror, and alas!
It is but a simple grocery bag.

Bright and very early,
I don't want to leave
my loverly warm haven,
but in the car I go.

Something moving catches the corner of my eye.
It jumps up and down, quite like a bird.
Then it takes a running sprint
Right in front of my car.
Once again, my heart stops...
and once again, I feel nothing.
I must've missed!
Oh, wait. It's a plastic cup...

Early morning...

Swimming Conversations

Swimming conversations are rather interesting. Have you ever seen "Finding Nemo", the dolphins...they speak every time they're both in mid-air, then stop when they are underwater, then continue their conversation in the air again... Conversations at swim practice are rather like that, as you and the person you're conversing with see each other for about five seconds, if that.
One particularly funny conversation between a friend and I occurred a couple of weeks ago. I decided I wanted to confuse her.

I wait for her to finish. After we both pant for a couple of seconds, I say, "Funny you should say that."
We swim another 50. "Say what? I didn't say anything!"
We swim another 50. "You said..." then I leave.
We swim yet another 50. "What did I say? I don't remember!"
We swim another 50, surprise, surprise. "I want a burrito."
We swim another 50. "I want a burrito?"
We swim another 50. "What a coincidence! I feel like a burrito too!"
We swim another 50. "What? Wait...I'm confused!"

There. She said it. And I was done. And we continued swimming. (Of course, during every break since that, it was "What? What were you talking about?!" and I pretend I can't hear. Which I can't...I just quit reading her lips :)

Year of the Pig

This year is the year of the pig. I like pigs. If I could be any animal besides a hippo and dolphin, I would be a pig. They are awesome animals in the fact that they can get nice and dirty in the mud, and not have a care in the world...until they are slaughtered for Christmas season...
I wonder what pigs are like in the wild. The only pigs I have ever met are the hormone-injected huge waddling monsters. And they don't do anything. The other pig I have met was my Aunt's pet pig. He squealed and was very stinky.
But a pig in the wild...they must truly be a glorious animal. I can imagine a moon-lit sky, with a silhouette of a pig on a mountain.
Pigs are quite similar to humans. They also eat vegetables and meat. Omnivorous? Is that the word? They also are pink, black, tan, etc.--they are like us, we are all different colored.

Now, a pathetic poem.

Snort, snicker, sniff.
Ears twitch and eyes beam.
Beware, they are keen.
Beware, wolf, don't mess!

Soft wet nose nuzzles.
Chaos of bodies run.
Hoofs beat,
Cooking wolf scent in air,
Pigs rule the terrain.

What a fitting icon for this year.
Especially for overweight, greedy, gluttonous U.S.A.
The Year of the Pig.
(Okay, okay, it doesn't officially start until Feburary or late January...)

New Year's Resolutions...

I have decided to follow the crowd in making some New Year's Resolutions... (why we people do this, succumbing ourselves to do something new religiously for two weeks before forgetting about it...I don't know.)

I guess I'll come up with a couple or so, to fulfill my debt to this society...

Resolution #1: (Dang! Now that I've been writing "resolution" a few times, now I have a song from 1776 stuck in my head...'resolution of independency...here a lee, there a lee, everywhere a lee a-lee!') Now I don't remember what I was going to write...

Resolution #2: Don't get distracted by musicals getting stuck in my head...FOCUS.

Resolution #3: Quit reading fantasy books. They're all the same! (Except for Harry Potter, I'll give you that.)

Resolution #4: Be up to more mischief.

That's all. Someone requested that I make a new post, and pretty much against my will I did. Only...I don't have anything interesting to write about.