"You don't want to touch that!"

Sometimes in weights I get really sweaty.

I mean really sweaty, as in: dripping out of all my pores, my legs, my arms, so I'm slippery as a fish. One of the bad results of this (other than smelling bad and looking like a pig), is that sometimes my hearing aids cease to work.

That happened today. So I took it out to let my ear dry out. I wanted to finish up some lunges, so I set it right next to my water bottle, on a lone bench in the middle of the weight room. I kept a close eye on it from 15 feet away. Some of the boys had to get dumbbells that were in that area. So one of them that had walked over set his water bottle near mine, and he saw it. I could tell, because he gave it about four consecutive glances, one longer after the next. Finally, with his face about three inches from it, he decided to pick it up.

Just to tease, I shouted, "EW! GROSS! You do NOT want to touch that! Do you know where it's been?!"

I have never seen anyone jump so high. Not even mom when I scare her. He basically freaked out and set it back where it originally was. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I had no idea what it was!" And that resulted in 8 boys scrutinizing the hearing aid, while it sat safely on the bench. All I can say is that poor boy was so embarrassed for the next 10 minutes...while wiping his fingers on his shorts. I assured him several times he was okay.

What can I say? I get a kick out of startling people.

Going Bonkers

"You need to eat some more."

"Nah. I'm full. Plus, I'm really, really tired."

"No, you need to eat some more. Your body will thank you tomorrow."

"Look at all I ate!...a whole bowl of grapes, some ramen, two tall glasses of chocolate milk, among other things. Besides, I think my body will be much more grateful to just go to bed. I'm exhaustified."

"Natalie, I know you're really tired, but it's only the beginning of the week. You have many more practices to get through, more classes to sit through. You need to eat food now to have the energy you need for later! At least eat some PROTEIN!"

"UGGGGHHH! I NEED SLEEP!"

PAUSE: There is only one person in the room. That's me. When I'm weary and exhausted, this is what happens in my quiet apartment. I start arguing with myself. Out loud. Sometimes I throw the kitchen rag across the room to make the argument seem more authentic. At least I don't start hallucinating. Is food better than sleep? Or is sleep better than food? I leave the question to you.

Microwaves

I love microwaves. They are very convenient, fast, and easy to use. One drawback for me? The annoying beeping sound every time you touch a button, or when it's done. Or impatient. I am grateful they don't know how to talk yet.

"attention! This lazy person doesn't want to make a real meal, so she's cooking crappy food in here!"

"hot-dog-2-minutes-go."

...(I leave the room to get some laundry folded)...

"HEY! I'M DONE! WOO-HOO! I'LL TAKE MY TIME TELLING YOU THAT!"

"ANYBODY THERE TO GET THE FOOD OUT?"

"THAT'S OKAY. I'LL KEEP BEEPING EVERY 30 SECONDS TO REMIND YOU."

"THIS HOT DOG IS TURNING COLD!"

"HEEEEYYYYY..."

"IT'S A SMALL WORLD--"

"Gaaaaah! Here, got the food, now be silent!"

"You forgot to shut the--"

"Door is shut! Now STOP BEEPING!"

Then his friend the dishwasher starts to sing...

makes sense?

When studying for finals, or when I'm not in season for training hard, my favorite snack and treat is candy. I also love soda.

Now we're training really hard already for summer. I plan little times where I can take a trip to my favorite place: 7 eleven. Their slurpees are amazing. Especially if you get a combination of pina colada and banana. And they have lots of candy. So far, I have just kept driving on by. Why? My body and I agree that it doesn't sound all that tasty or good. What does?

A big huge cold tasty delectable glass of chocolate milk. Or two.

It's the first thing I do when I get home: grab the biggest glass I have (stolen from mom and dad's house because of its awesome size), and pour milk and chocolaty substance into it. And drink. Glass empty? Repeat.

Just to make things clear

There has been some confusion lately about who I am.

I was taking a break from studying recently by running to Harmon's to get some strawberries. As I was hurrying through the store, I realized that two short adolescent girls were following me around. I still have no idea why. They simply asked how tall I was, and I told them "Six feet." As they walked away, I happened to notice they were carrying around some Twilight book.

I'm six feet tall.

I'm blonde.

I have short hair.

Lastly, but most importantly, I can make eye contact with people.

I am not, I repeat, I am not Bella Swan. I know it's really confusing, but let's just make that clear. Besides, I physically (and mentally) cannot be Bella Swan. If I was, both Edwurt and Jacob's egos would be crushed, regardless of their monstrosity.

Another record to note: I'm glad I'm not Bella. Who, in their right mind, would want an obsessed vampire watching you all the time, even in your room while you sleep? Aren't you afraid you'll fart in your sleep? Not me. That'd blow him away. If that didn't work, I could always show him my guns. Which are, by the way, much bigger than his. I know for a fact his abs and biceps are just a work of body paint/spray. They are not real.

Jacob looks huge on the big screen. In person, however...

Let's just say I could take on both of them any day.

Aren't you glad you read this egocentric post?

At least I was amused. I was getting tired of math. Now, a return to studying for finals.

I'm pretty much amazing.

I found out today I can actually cook good food if I'm not too lazy. Slice up some vegetables, sate them, fry some chicken goblets, and dump it on a bunch of rice. There you go. Dinner. (Note: Too much cayenne pepper will fry the tastebuds long afterwards.)

"That looks like a restaurant!"

I noticed that many of my teammates are really excited, nervous, anxious about the big meet next week. (In 6 days if you can believe that!) So instead of being all nice and personal (I don't like talking to people), I decided to draw a pirate's map with a cheesy message. My favorite part? Jack Sparrow. You read correctly. I was amazed I successfully drew a cartoon that could be interpreted as Jack Sparrow. If you took a picture of Jack Sparrow, stomped on it, threw it in water to marinate for 20 years, that's what my Jack Sparrow looks like.



Because I'm so darn proud, I'm treating you to a close-up. (He's glittery because I didn't notice the watercolors I had purchased were the "glitter" version. Dang.)



Oh, and to top it all off, Stephan Pastis accepted my friend request on facebook. I am Stephan's friend.