Just to make things clear

There has been some confusion lately about who I am.

I was taking a break from studying recently by running to Harmon's to get some strawberries. As I was hurrying through the store, I realized that two short adolescent girls were following me around. I still have no idea why. They simply asked how tall I was, and I told them "Six feet." As they walked away, I happened to notice they were carrying around some Twilight book.

I'm six feet tall.

I'm blonde.

I have short hair.

Lastly, but most importantly, I can make eye contact with people.

I am not, I repeat, I am not Bella Swan. I know it's really confusing, but let's just make that clear. Besides, I physically (and mentally) cannot be Bella Swan. If I was, both Edwurt and Jacob's egos would be crushed, regardless of their monstrosity.

Another record to note: I'm glad I'm not Bella. Who, in their right mind, would want an obsessed vampire watching you all the time, even in your room while you sleep? Aren't you afraid you'll fart in your sleep? Not me. That'd blow him away. If that didn't work, I could always show him my guns. Which are, by the way, much bigger than his. I know for a fact his abs and biceps are just a work of body paint/spray. They are not real.

Jacob looks huge on the big screen. In person, however...

Let's just say I could take on both of them any day.

Aren't you glad you read this egocentric post?

At least I was amused. I was getting tired of math. Now, a return to studying for finals.