Yes. I am experiencing a little bit of stress. But I'm going to get it all out, write it all out write here, write now, because this type of stress comes from self-doubt.
Yes, I feel stressed about state. Why? Well...a number of reasons. One, I really, really, really want to get a state record. Two, my coach wants me to get the swimmer of the meet award...very hard to get, and looking at the power-point system, it doesn't look feasible. Not compared to a super-fast-breaststroker who all-of-a-sudden qualified for Olympic trials... Third, I just want it to be all over.
Okay, to relieve number one: I already co-own the state record for the 200 and 400 free relays. I shouldn't be so selfish. I should just go out there, leave it all in the pool, and that's the best I can do, right? Of course right.
Number two: who cares? My coach. Not me.
Number three: Well, time flies by fast enough already, why should I wish for it to fly by even faster? Maybe I should just seize the day, and enjoy every moment.
And the questions of self-doubt: Did I give every practice every day my every all? Did I work hard enough? Did I do everything I can? Did I do my best? Could I have done more? Am I ready?
When I ponder these questions, I look at the past few years, and I'm forced to answer, yes.
Yes, even to I could have done more, but...if I did more, I don't know if I'd be alive, or happy.
No matter what the future holds...I will be content, because I know for myself, I did everything I could. And I'm happy with that fact. I'm happy with myself.
Yes, I feel stressed about state. Why? Well...a number of reasons. One, I really, really, really want to get a state record. Two, my coach wants me to get the swimmer of the meet award...very hard to get, and looking at the power-point system, it doesn't look feasible. Not compared to a super-fast-breaststroker who all-of-a-sudden qualified for Olympic trials... Third, I just want it to be all over.
Okay, to relieve number one: I already co-own the state record for the 200 and 400 free relays. I shouldn't be so selfish. I should just go out there, leave it all in the pool, and that's the best I can do, right? Of course right.
Number two: who cares? My coach. Not me.
Number three: Well, time flies by fast enough already, why should I wish for it to fly by even faster? Maybe I should just seize the day, and enjoy every moment.
And the questions of self-doubt: Did I give every practice every day my every all? Did I work hard enough? Did I do everything I can? Did I do my best? Could I have done more? Am I ready?
When I ponder these questions, I look at the past few years, and I'm forced to answer, yes.
Yes, even to I could have done more, but...if I did more, I don't know if I'd be alive, or happy.
No matter what the future holds...I will be content, because I know for myself, I did everything I could. And I'm happy with that fact. I'm happy with myself.
8 comments:
With that attitude, you pretty much have life conquered. BUT... there is stress after swimming.
I know...darn AP tests!...Then...there's stress after that! Maybe I should strive to live without stress...I notice people who aren't stressed seem to live longer and happier...hmmm...
You are an amazing swimmer. I am glad that you are content with yourself-- I think The Nedge is pretty awesome, considering all she's done.
As for the stress... I would have happily relinquished any precious free time I once had for you, but I'm afraid it is all gone now.
P.S.
I had a discussion about you today in the library with an old friend-- Maren Wallentine. Do you remember her? She sure remembers you!
Nat--relax, smile, know that you have done all the work you can, and swim your best. Life is good.
You're living the dream. Keep at it. Way to be content. I stink at pep comments of any kind, I apologize. But I hate stress too, healthy though some of it may be for you. Only a little.
Yes mom is alive, at least for a few moments until I need to get back to a quilt. The only thing that makes us grow, expand and become better is that very same stress. It's how you handle it. You have done all you can, that is true. But remember you have also fulfilled all your covenants with your Heavenly Father, early morning meetings for seminary counsel, not swimming on Sunday, and the obvious 10 and especially helping and loving others including your old mom and dad. Just remember He will help you. Just as with Hezikiah there are angels that we do not see. What ever Heavenly Father know is best for you will happen.
Nedge, I understand what you are going through. I remember having these same questions pass through my mind last year at this time. With swimming being over for me, and some other issues, there was a week when I cried myself to sleep 3 nights in a row. Leaving high school and, even harder, a high school sport, is difficult. That's why you need to remember to just have fun at your last high school state. You have seriously worked your butt off. I know this, because I could see how tired you were at work during tear-down. You are one of the most amazing and humble people I know. Just do your best at state, and you will be able to achieve the goals you want. I can't wait to watch you swim! I KNOW that you WILL do amazing! You are way cool!
You've got a good head on your shoulders. Things will work out for the best. Keep us posted.
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