Okay, I'm going to document last Tuesday for you.
I did the usual, wake up at 6:10 AM, and go to swim practice...come home, and was ready to die. (Take a nap.) But my mom had a mission for me: Go to my Grandma's, and take her to the store to get powder (facial, make-uppity stuff...) Background information: Grandma likes to look at everything in the store, and scoff at the outrageous prices. By the time we make it to the make-up section, we find out that the store doesn't stock the brand that my grandma has been using for 40+ years! I spent the next 15 minutes trying to convince her that the powder of a different brand is the same thing! Eventually I won.
We finally make it back to her house, and lonely as she is, and busy as I am, she loaded me with guilt. Guilt that I don't visit her often enough. Guilt that I have to leave soon, and can't have lunch with her. Guilt that she's in that house all alone all day. Guilt that she doesn't have anything to do. Guilt that I'm coming home to a house full of hustle and bustle.
So, as I was driving along the freeway to get back to my house, there was an accident. Even the smallest accidents can make the freeways slow to a snail's pace. And I witnessed something magnificent. I watched a very courageous and very stupid small brown mouse make a full sprint from the meridian to off the freeway. Where I was, that was seven lanes, and the cars are going 5-10 mph. But he made it. Then I read an article in the newspaper, and I understood why that mouse made that suicidal sprint. Man, those critters are smart.
They (the mice, rats, small critters, etc.) apparently have a system. Their main predator in open fields are the barn owls. They send off one of their warriors (or victims) to run across the freeway. Either they will live, or they won't. If they live, they're lucky, and probably won't have to do it again. These small critters have come up with a system to save thousands of their fellow selves. 25,000 barn owls get killed every year. On the freeway. By a car. Hmmm...there's a conspiracy here, and I know it!
24 comments:
To an innocent bystander, such courage and intelligence may seem bewildering and maybe even cute. However, I have had experience with the Rattus norvegicus, and I have a hunch that this species will soon take over the world.
Your story only strengthens my hypothesis. You and I Nat... we know the truth.
Inquire further for more details.
I'm inquiring, as I have a similar hypothesis, only, worms are involved. I shall have to speak with you in person to explain.
Worms? Well, that definitely complicates the entire situation.
It seems you and I have some stories to swap. Mine involves canabilistic rats, but it sounds much better in person. On the same happy note, my hypothesis revolves around the ruthless intelligence I have observed in rodents. Murder, canibalism, escaping from cages, poison... holy crap! This is more serious than I thought!
Well, I believe that the rodents conspirate with the worms in this tangent theory: The worms eat remains of people, dead things, right? So, to work with the worms, the rodents spread disease, and the worms conquer.
But what do the rodents get out of it? Maybe the worms give them a sacrificial offering every once in a while to pay for the good work of their advocates.
Perhaps we've underestimated the potential of the furry mammals and the invertabra.
Anything is possible.
I forgot to mention why the rodents work with the worms. Worms are crawling under us, in us, etc. Long, long ago...in a land far, far away..(probably a dark and mysterious forest) The worms were once desperate for food, and they surrounded the last of the rodents. The rodents (much like in the story of the mouse and the lion) begged for their lives, and promise the worms will be rewarded. That's when we humans started taking over. The rodents then started spreading disease, and the black plague...(or wait...the fleas spread the black plague...do they tie into this too?) Augh! Too many creatures involved! Who's on the top of the chain? Monkeys? Because they're jealous of our intelligence? :)
Monkies are gross.
The mice must have appealed to the fleas for help, thus the black plague.
You make the worms sound very vicious. And yet they seem so... wriggly and weak. However, don't believe that I have been deceived by them. The next time it rains and all the worms are washed onto the sidewalk, I will be sure to squish as many as I can while puddle jumping.
Well, haven't you ever noticed that a worm has three hearts? They're almost impossible to kill. Slice one in half with a shovel, and you have created two worms! I'm not just talking about earthly worms, mind you. There are others...like tapeworms. Need I say more? (Did you have Mr. Perkins in 9th grade? He told some awesome stories concerning worms, parasites, and tropical diseases.)
Ew... how I do remember!
"Now closs... settle down. When I went to India I met a native who had a tapeworm as long as a football field-- and the Yangtze River is full of raw sewage"
Worms nearly are impossible to kill. It is their best defense mechanism. I have probably unknowingly doubled the population of worms in my backyard from slicing them in two.
My sister got worms once when she was little from kissing a stray cat on the lips. Or from playing in the sandbox where the same cat would... do its business.
Either way it's disgusting.
Did you know that if you associate closely with your pet, you probably have the same worms it has? Gross. After I learned that as a lad, I never went near the dogs again. I'll only do a little pat once in a while.
Charles Darwin spent much of his professional life studying earthworms. And he was no chump.
Yay for Charles Darwin!
To imagine the bugs living within my kitty is an unhappy thought. Now I know why my mom would always yell, "Don't kiss her!'
Now I know.
Holy Cow!I stay off the computer for a day, and I come back to 13 comments. I don't have anything to add to this ...interesting...conversation.
Sorry, Britt...I guess I was getting a little carried away with my conspiracy theories.
you were gone for three days.
We should go for the record number of comments here. That would be awesome.
This is number 18.
I feel very special to take this slot.
Nat, if you don't write another post soon, you will very likely have 10 or more comments from me alone on this post.
Crack to it my Brilliant Blogging Buddy.
I just want to add no. 19. by saying I love the Mr. Perkins comment. He really does have the craziest stories about everything. I'm proud to say that I am in his top 10 in-class disaster stories.
What is this story?
I have a deep and reverant respect for people who:
1. Made Mr. Misco growl and/or shout.
2. Have a special connection with Mr. Crump
3. Caused Mr. Perkins to crack up--i.e. the humming kid (perhaps one of my favorite of his many good stories, minus the bipolar stalker woman one)
Mr. Perkin's retirement was a sad day for me. He was honestly my favorite middle school teacher.
#21)
Do you remember that story he told of the girl who passed out and hit her head on the floor, and the only reason he knew about it was because he heard her skull come in contact with the cement floor? Yeah, I found out a year later that that was Michelle. The best part of the story is what happened after that.
Too bad Big Daddy Perkins isn't teaching anymore.
ah... good times, good times. I guess I must have been pretty sick. They wanted to take me out of the class in a wheelchair, but I wouldn't let them so they tried to walk me down the hall but I passed out again. heh. Anywho the story ends with me getting wheeled out of the school. yeah.
Whoa! That was YOU?
I feel like a celebrity, because I remember the girl in that story, and I know of her.
That's pretty sweet.
#23
Big Daddy Perkins has retired?
Aw shucks. I don't remember any of these disaster stories. I guess I came along too early. I do remember that my buddy and I used to eat an orange everyday in his class. He used to say, "It smells like oranges," but he never caught us. He did, however, catch us playing a slam dunk game--complete with dramatic blocks--with the trash can during class (Gee whiz, I wonder how) and made us clean up the entire floor. Ah, the memories.
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